Accidental Wish
by ShiTiger
Summary: Fred makes a rather strange wish and the magic wishing well grants it. Agent Nigel x The Red Squirrel slash.


_**Accidental Wish**_

_(slashy oneshot)_

_(Spoilers for episode 219 "Wishful Thinking") With special guests: Fred, The Red Squirrel & Super Secret Agent Nigel._

* * *

'Oh, hey Fred. What are you doing in the zoo?' Private glanced away from Mort to smile at the squirrel.

'I was just chasing my acorn. Here it is,' the bushy-tailed mammal bent down and picked it up. 'Oh... this isn't my acorn.'

'Silly, it's a penny. You know, they say that if you throw a penny in a fountain and make a wish, it might come true,' the penguin suggested.

'But what do I wish for? I already have everything I need,' Fred stared at the shiny coin and scratched his head.

'I suppose you could make a wish for someone else. No, Mort! You can't eat the pennies!' Private dashed away to stop the little lemur from hurting himself, leaving the squirrel to his thoughts.

'Well, Uncle has been complaining about his aches and pains lately. I wish I could have met Uncle Red when he was my age. Oh well,' Fred tossed the coin over his shoulder and waved goodbye to the zoo animals before dashing off for home.

The coin bounced on the edge of the fountain, spun a few times, then slipped unnoticed into the water.

* * *

'I have you now, Red!' Nigel cornered the villain against an oak tree in the park. _{I want to wrap this up and get him back to HQ, so I can finally spend some quality time with my dear little nephew}_

'Not today, Nigel. I have other plans!' Red chuckled and pressed the secret button, opening a doorway directly behind him. A flicker of light over the spy's shoulder caught his attention for a second too long, giving the penguin a chance to slam into him, knocking them both down the dark chute. With their eyes closed tightly during the fall, neither noticed the light following them down into the depths of the tree, absorbing into Red's chest fur. Suddenly, the tunnel opened into a room and the two hit the ground, momentary knocked out.

* * *

'Oooh, my head. That was a nasty fall,' Nigel pushed himself up and quickly glanced around the large room they'd fallen into. It was clearly different from the evil-villain room Red had locked him up in the last time. This one had several acorn-shaped lanterns hanging from the ceiling, a large cushion with a blanket thrown on top in one corner of the room, a small mirror attached to the wall, and other homely accessories. Clearly, someone lived here. And that someone was likely the red-furred mammal stirring beneath him.

'I have you now, Red. There's no escape,' Nigel grabbed the squirrel's wrists and pinned his arms over his head. The squirrel groaned beneath him, slowly regaining consciousness. _{Curious... There's __something very different about Red. Different, yet at the same time... oddly familiar}_

A set of hazel-brown eyes opened and stared up at him, slightly dazed. It was then that Nigel realized he had the wrong squirrel. Leaping to his feet, he rushed to help the young squirrel sit up.

'Terribly sorry for the intrusion into your home. Are you quite alright, my dear? I really had no intention of pushing you down. Oh my, I do hope you didn't hit your head,' Nigel found himself stuttering as he took in the mammal's soft, crimson-fur and long, delicate ears.

'What are you blabbering about?' the squirrel finally spoke, glaring up at him adorably.

'Your head, my dear. Are you injured? I am so, so sorry for knocking you down like that. I was chasing The Red Squirrel, but he appears to have gotten away again,' the penguin's green eyes swept the room, but there was no sign of another animal in there with them.

'How could I be getting away with you flattening me?' the young squirrel asked, arms now crossed over his chest in annoyance.

'How adorable you are. Of course you are a red squirrel, but you are not The Red Squirrel,' Nigel gave in to the urge to squeeze the mammal's ample cheeks. 'Now then, what is your name, my dear?'

'I AM THE RED SQUIRREL!' the rodent attempted to stand up, only to find himself swaying on his feet. The penguin caught him gently,

'Enough of this ruse, my dear. I am not upset. Although, you do remind me of him. Are you by any chance related to The Red Squirrel? I must say that the resemblance is uncanny,' Nigel noted.

'Sure, I'm related to The Red Squirrel,' hazel eyes rolled upward, voice heavy with Russian-accented sarcasm. A smirk flitted over the mammal's lips as he gazed at the gentlemanly penguin holding him upright. _{It seems that Agent Nigel hit his head and has clearly taken leave of his senses. Perfect...}_

Nigel squeaked as he felt fingers creep up his chest feathers, the squirrel spinning around to press up against him.

'You are quite a handsome bird, Agent Nigel,' the crimson squirrel purred, hazel eyes peering up at the penguin with interest.

'Really, my dear. It's not that you are not a very attractive young squirrel, because you are, but this is simply not appropriate,' Nigel attempted to push the lovely mammal away from him, but only succeeded in falling onto his bottom with the squirrel happily sitting in his lap.

'Tell me, Nigel... Do you remember the summer of 57 when you finally captured The Red Squirrel in Edinburgh?' Soft, furry paws stroked a sensitive spot under the bird's beak, sending a pleasant shiver up his spine.

'What?' Nigel blinked down at the mammal curled in his lap, one hand still pressed firmly against his chest.

'I do. You had me tied up and at your mercy, ready to be shipped off to penguin HQ. I had to find a way to free myself and escape, but you were just too focused on the mission. So, I did what any villain in my situation would do... I made you want me. I made you need me... You penguins have always been suckers for a long, bushy tail.' The squirrel swept his tail from side to side, catching the penguin's immediate attention.

'You can't be...' Nigel whispered aloud, mesmerized by the sight of the squirrel's familiar tail movements. _{There's only one squirrel in the entire world that can move his tail like that, and he does know about Edinburgh...}_

'What's wrong, Nigel? Have you forgotten already? You were quite passionate that night. All it took was a little digging to get beneath your defenses. The thought of having your way with a villain all tied up and at your mercy... well, you wouldn't be the first to want that,' Red grinned, showing his now perfectly-aligned front teeth.

'You... you really are Red. But how..?' the penguin couldn't stop staring at the younger version of his old lover and enemy.

'Hush. You always talk too much. Tseluyu,' Red pressed his lips to the bird's beak, grinding his body against the soft plumage below.

_{Red's young again and he's kissing me... Damn. He always knows exactly what it takes to turn my body into a raging inferno of lust. I could always take him prisoner later...}_

The squirrel let out a groan as his advances were suddenly and passionately returned.

* * *

The penguin and squirrel cuddled up on the cushion in the corner of the room, the blanket pulled over their sated bodies. Nigel couldn't resist running his flipper down his lover's soft back fur as the squirrel curled into his chest.

'You are, as usual, much harder to seduce than Buck Rockgut. All I have to do is wave my tail and surrender willingly, and he has me bent over the nearest object faster than you can blink,' Red commented, enjoying the feeling of feathers under his cheek.

'You have been with the American?' Nigel sputtered, his petting coming to an immediate halt.

'Is that jealousy I hear in your voice? Yes, yes, I have been with him... before he went all crazy in the head,' the squirrel grumbled in response, refusing to move from his fluffy new pillow.

Nigel was about to make another comment when a voice echoed the room from above.

'Uncle Red! Are you home?'

Red leapt to his feet, pulling the penguin out of bed with him. Moments later, a young copper-furred squirrel slid down the chute and landed in the middle of the room.

'Oh, sorry. I didn't know you had guests... Uncle Red?' the new squirrel glanced around in confusion.

Nigel blinked at the young squirrel, then turned his attention to his fidgeting lover. Red was so focused on the new arrival, that he didn't seem to notice that his tail was flicking back and forth against the penguin behind him.

'Fred,' Red suddenly spoke up, taking a step toward the young squirrel.

'Uncle Red?' the squirrel's eyes widened an instant before he flung himself into Red's open arms.

'I didn't know you had a nephew,' Nigel commented, once the mammals pulled back from their embrace.

'How did... Oh, right. I guess my wish came true after all,' Fred stated with a calm, buck-toothed smile.

Red and Nigel could only stare at the young squirrel in utter confusion.

* * *

'So, this is the magic fountain of youth,' Red eyed the Zoo's rather impressive fountain.

'Uncle Nigel!' Private's voice rang through the courtyard as the little penguin threw himself into his uncle's arms.

'Hello, dear boy. My, it's good to see you again,' Nigel hugged his nephew close for a moment, then set him back down on his feet. The other penguins were behind him, eyeing their new guests curiously.

'Well, heeeello. I never thought I'd say this to a squirrel, but you are stunning,' Skipper waddled up to the new squirrel and smiled brightly at him.

'You don't say,' the crimson-furred squirrel commented, clearly amused at the attention.

'Sorry boys, but he's taken,' Nigel stepped closer to his lover and put a flipper around his shoulders.

'Robbing the cradle a bit there, aren't you?' the penguin leader crossed his flippers over his chest, annoyed at the interruption.

'Are you related to Fred?' Private suddenly piped up, glancing back and forth between the two mammals.

'Sure. He's my Uncle Red,' Fred answered in a completely relaxed tone.

'Aren't you a little young to be Fred's uncle?' Kowalski narrowed his eyes at the red squirrel, calculating his age in his head.

'I accidentally made him young when I made a wish in the fountain,' Fred stated.

'I have you now, RED!'

All eyes turned to penguin soldier jumping down from the Zoo wall. Buck Rockgut marched across the square and stopped directly in front of Nigel and the crimson-furred squirrel. Pointing the device he held in his flippers at the squirrel, the penguin's red eyes narrowed as the machine beeped frantically.

'I don't know how you did it, Red, but I'm on to you,' Buck glared at the pair standing in front of him.

'Buck, what are you doing back here?' Skipper stepped up quickly, hoping to persuade the crazy penguin to stand down before he hurt someone.

'Why, I'm tracking The Red Squirrel, of course. He's right in front of you!' Buck pointed a flipper directly at Fred's "so-called" uncle.

'Nice to see you again too, Buck,' the new squirrel commented before Skipper could say anything in his defense.

'You're The Red Squirrel?' Private waddled back and hid behind Rico for safety.

'But you're so beautiful...' Skipper looked utterly devastated at the news.

'Didn't I say that you flightless birds couldn't resist the tail,' Red smirked, flicking his tail back and forth a few times.

'Yes, yes you did,' Nigel admitted, torn between glaring at the American soldier or ogling his lover's perfect body.

'That cute trick of yours won't work this time, Red. I am taking you back to prison,' Buck announced, pulling a rope from behind his back.

'You're going to do what with my uncle?' Fred suddenly spoke up, catching everyone's attention.

'I'm taking him back to prison. He's a very bad squirrel,' the army penguin stated, his red eyes flicking to the copper-furred squirrel.

* * *

Nigel watched as Red slowly knelt down and snatched something shiny off the ground, rolling it around in his paw. A coin? The crimson-furred squirrel smirked, his hazel eyes twinkling with mischief.

'You know, Buck, it's a shame you came all this way for nothing. I wish you'd find another obsession,' The Red Squirrel flicked the coin over his shoulder, his grin widening at the sound of metal hitting water.

'What was I here for again?' Buck blinked rapidly, his eyes unfocused on the group standing in front of him.

'You were here to catch The Red Squirrel,' Skipper insisted, flipper pointing directly at Red.

'Don't be silly, I'm much too busy to chase after him. See, he's not even on the penguin HQ list of villains anymore,' the army bird yanked out a file and spread out the photos.

'He's right, Skipper. The Red Squirrel's picture is missing from the file,' Kowalski commented, after thoroughly examining the hand-drawn pictures.

'That's impossible,' the penguin leader frowned, glaring across the square at the smirking squirrel.

'Everyone knows that The Red Squirrel retired 50 years ago. And since he hasn't pulled any evil schemes since then, he's off the list. Sorry, kid, but I have bigger fish to fry. I'm coming for you, WIDOW!' Buck snatched up the pictures and dashed off.

'I am liking this magic fountain,' The Red Squirrel purred, running a paw up his lover's back.

'I'm not. These things are far too dangerous. However... I have yet to make a wish,' Nigel scooped up one of the coins and eyed it intently. Closing his eyes, he sucked in a breath and whispered, ' I wish The Red Squirrel was his normal age again, but looking the way he would if he'd spent the last 50 years in retirement, as opposed to spending them in hiding.'

As the coin hit the water, a glowing light rose from the fountain and shot into the crimson squirrel's chest. In less than the blink of an eye, The Red Squirrel was older again.

'You look much healthier now, Red,' Nigel leaned down to eye his slightly-younger lover. Well-groomed crimson-fur, straightened buck-teeth, manicured nails... all-in-all, a much more attractive sight than his shabby, I've-been-underground-too-long, appearance from before.

'So, what now? The Red Squirrel might be off penguin HQ's radar, but he's still a dangerous criminal,' Skipper waddled closer to the pair, eyes fixed on the squirrel.

'You know, I've been thinking of retiring myself,' Nigel threw his flipper around Red's shoulders before his lover could open his mouth. Hazel eyes peered up at him curiously, but the rodent kept silent. 'Yes, retirement. I've spent a lot of time undercover and I'm ready to settle down. What do you say, Red? Shall we go back to my little cottage in England and spend the rest of our days like an old married couple?'

The crimson squirrel sighed, glancing over to his nephew smiling back at him. 'You would be alright if I left, Fred?'

'Sure. I've got lots of friends here,' the copper-furred squirrel answered, gesturing to the penguins.

'An old married couple? How adorable!' Private giggled, stepping out from his hiding place behind Rico.

'Then yes, I would not be against returning to England with you, Nigel. I too am beginning to feel the years... And you might as well get used to calling me by my actual name. It seems The Red Squirrel is no longer in business,' the crimson squirrel flicked his tail against the bird next to him and purred.

'Wonderful! But, I don't believe I know your real name, Red,' Nigel admitted sheepishly.

'It's Rudy,' the crimson squirrel couldn't help smiling gently back at his penguin lover.

'Gag! Hack! Grack!'

The mood was broken by the sound of Rico's exaggerated choking. Rolling his eyes, Skipper slapped his weapon's expert across the back of the head with a flipper.

'You'll come and visit, won't you, Uncle Nigel?' Private waddled up to the older penguin and waited for an answer.

'Of course, lad. As long as you don't mind Rudy joining me,' the former-spy commented, wrapping a flipper around the squirrel's shoulders.

'Not at all. We'd love to have Uncle Rudy visit too. Isn't that right, Fred?' Private gestured to the younger squirrel who was now standing next to him.

'Of course. Squirrels never turn away family,' Fred answered, smiling.

The former-spy and former-villain finished their goodbyes and headed for home, leaving the young penguin squad to deal with the magic fountain. Who says villains never get a happy ending?

...the end...

* * *

_**Note:** Tseluyu (I kiss you) in Russian. Apparently it's said to a female, not a male, but I could not find an accurate male version of this._

_And why does Uncle Nigel live in a cottage, rather than a zoo? No idea, but that's what Nigel said in "A Visit from Uncle Nigel." He lives in a cottage and has a lovely flower garden._


End file.
